


better than any movie

by third



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Actor Mark, Canon Compliant, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Movie Night, Secret Relationship, but not the benefits you're thinking of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 16:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18347879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/third/pseuds/third
Summary: Renjun stares at him, with that glint in his eye Mark recognises from when they’re filming for variety shows or streaming on V LIVE and always ends in Renjun throwing Mark under the bus. It’s the look that means he’s going toteaseand Mark steadies himself for it. “Benefits?” Renjun repeats, the tight line of his mouth shifting to form a grin. “What kind of benefits are you thinking about, Mark-hyung?”





	better than any movie

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2019) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> **Twice – "What is Love?"**  
> [lyrics](https://popgasa.com/2018/04/09/twice-what-is-love/) **|** [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0p1bmr0EmE) **|** [supplementary](https://www.flickr.com/photos/lauraroselveti/5460722340/) \- [prompts](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/6d/1c/d0/6d1cd01613228074ba4ebf3bc3e64bcd.jpg)
> 
> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2019 as part of Team Canon/AR/Future 1. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre. Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey](https://forms.gle/AJxWotqhpgcW5d17A)!
> 
> title taken from the prompt lyrics! many thanks to our kind and patient mod and the very lovely cf1 team!! we did it everyone!! ♡

If there’s one thing Mark learned from being the ex-leader of NCT Dream, it’s that every single one of them will seize any and all opportunities to mess with him with both hands. It says a lot about Mark’s tolerance for being teased now, that when he breaks the news to Jaemin and Jeno, he quietly accepts his fate as they straighten up from where they were slouched on the couch, and put on serious faces that do nothing to hide the amusement in their eyes.

Jaemin looks over at Mark and slowly puts his hand on Mark’s shoulder. From Mark’s other side, he feels Jeno do the same. “You can talk to us,” Jaemin says, hand thumping against his shoulder in what Mark assumes is supposed to be a poor imitation of a pat. “Don’t be embarrassed to ask for advice.”

“Yeah, Mark-hyung,” Jeno says, also patting Mark’s shoulder. “You can think of us as your actor sunbaes.”

Mark laughs, half hysterical. It still doesn’t feel real. The morning after Mark signed the contract, he was surprised the world didn’t implode.

He thought it would, considering he had signed his name up to a _romance movie_ where he was set to act in a supporting role as a _love interest_ —never mind the fact that Mark had _never acted_ or _been in a relationship_ before—but Mark had woken up the next morning to the sun glaring in his eyes, his bones still weary from exhaustion and Doyoung still snoring softly in the bed across the room from him.

He’s saved from answering when Renjun walks into the room. “Jeno, you said like two lines,” Renjun says as he passes by, fingers lightly skimming the top of Mark’s head. Mark glances up at Renjun, who gives him a small smile before entering the kitchen.

Jeno jumps up off the couch, following Renjun. “It was a whole scene!” Jeno shouts, indignant. “And I’ve been acting since I was a child!” His voice gets fainter but higher pitched with each step.

Mark watches as Renjun pours himself a glass of water, completely ignoring Jeno who’s still chattering away at Renjun. He hears, “I don’t think your CFs count, Jeno,” before Jaemin squeezes his shoulder to get his attention. Mark looks away from the scene, not even realising he’d been staring. 

“Seriously though, hyung,” Jaemin says, smile wide, “congratulations.” 

Mark laughs and wraps an arm around Jaemin’s shoulders. “Thanks,” Mark says, “I might take you up on your offer. I need all the help I can get.”

“Are you nervous?” Jaemin asks.

“Nervous? Mark-hyung?” Renjun asks from the kitchen. His eyes are trained on Mark, a grin wide on his face. “Hyung has no reason to be. This will be one of the things Mark-hyung is just good at.”

Mark rolls his eyes. “You have too much faith in me, Renjun.”

Renjun laughs, clean and bright. “You haven’t let me down yet.”

*

It helps Mark’s nerves on the first day of the script reading session, that the cast and production team are lovely.

Shin Yeeun, who’s acting opposite him, spots his nerves a mile away, and talks to him quietly away from everyone else, telling him an awful story where she mumbled through the entire script the first time she ever landed a role. 

It makes Mark feel inexplicably better, and even though he’s sweating every time they get to his line, he feels like the session went smoother than he could have hoped. It doesn’t even matter that the director grips his shoulders afterwards, a face full of expectation Mark _recognises_. 

Mark, in his short stint as an idol, knows expectations. He feels them all the time: in the rise in roar of his fans as he steps on stage, the piling list of schedules that chip away at all semblances of Mark’s free time, and through Jisung, running through a verse of a new song and looking up at him for guidance.

So Mark knows what the director’s going to say, before he even opens his mouth, even if it’s not by the word. “I’m excited to see how you’ll go with this, Mark,” the director says, warmly. “I’m sure an idol like you has more than enough experience to bring to this role.”

Mark smiles back at him, even though the nerves that had settled flare up again and sit at the base of his throat. He thinks of his character, falling in love slowly but surely. 

_I spent the last six years trying to get here,_ Mark wants to say. _I didn’t have time for love._ He swallows the words and beams, smile wide and hesitant. “I’ll try my best,” Mark says like he doesn’t feel the weight of the expectation sitting on his shoulders, adding to his burdens, heavy long after the director is gone.

*

The thing about the idol lifestyle is the temperament of it. Mark isn’t a pessimist, but he waits the entire week after for the other shoe to drop.

His good streak finally comes to an end when filming starts and Mark remembers his lines, but they feel leaden on his tongue as soon as he speaks them. Yeeun smiles at him after the scene, but as he watches it back, the director behind him giving him tips, it hits him even though they don’t explicitly say it out loud. The look in the director’s eyes is enough, and Mark leaves the first filming with the weight of not meeting an expectation.

It doesn’t help that when he gets home, there are articles already online about his first shoot as an actor. People have been excited since the news first dropped— _Actordol Mark_ trended for hours on Naver and Twitter—and Mark knows a part of it is because of the surprise of _him_ being scouted for a movie. 

Mark knows he doesn’t have the acting experience, but when he was offered the role, it felt like all those other times he was offered something he wasn’t sure he could do: there was the anxiety and the worry but, above it all, there was the exhilaration of trying something new. 

Now, looking at the news and excitement of his fans, his mouth still heavy from the shoot, he can’t help but feel he just signed himself up for disappointment.

*

He’s still thinking about it two days after, when he walks into NCT Dream’s dorm after a whole day of training, tired and boneless.

It’s momentarily forgotten when the first thing he hears is the melodramatic sounds Mark recognises as a romance movie, even though he can’t understand the actual words. He finds the source of it in the lounge room, hidden under a mountain of blankets. 

It’s Renjun, curled up on the couch. He doesn’t even glance up when Mark walks and stands right to the side of him, instead staring straight at the laptop in front of him. Mark sneaks a peek and sees two people in the midst of an argument, before the male character pulls the female character in and kisses her, strong and steady on the mouth. Renjun sighs as he watches, and Mark tries to hold in his laughter. A sound must creep out because Renjun jumps slightly and looks over at him.

Or, he _tries_ to look over at Mark, but his movements are stifled by the pile on blankets on top of him. “What’s up?” Renjun asks forlornly, giving up. 

This time Mark can’t hold in his laughter, and he smiles wide as he takes a seat on the arm of the couch, right near Renjun’s feet. He shouldn’t really be laughing—Renjun looks pathetic in his blanket cocoon, and he’s obviously been binge-watching romance movies which he only does when he’s upset about something—but he also looks super cute.

“Are you okay?” Mark asks, balancing himself on the arm of the couch, and resting his back against the wall. In the background, the characters of the movie are still kissing, and Renjun untangles an arm to pause it, the image stopping on them in the middle of a particularly heated moment.

Renjun sits up, leans his back on the other arm of the couch, runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I’m fine,” he says. Mark waits patiently for more, grabbing an unused pillow from the couch and fiddling with its fraying edges. “My best friend back home just proposed to his girlfriend.”

Mark takes a deep breath in. “Congratulations to him,” he says. Renjun just nods, his smile a tight line across his face. Mark pulls at a fray until it comes completely loose. “Do you feel jealous?”

“I don’t know,” Renjun admits. He leans his head back against the armrest, closing his eyes. Mark hums, staring at the long line of his neck, and waits again. “Don’t you ever feel like you’re missing out on something?”

Renjun peeks an eye open and Mark nods, looking over at him and sharing a small moment of commiseration. It’s an emotion Mark feels on and off—mostly when he hears about things back home that he can no longer relate to—but it was always offset by the exhilaration of having this opportunity to be here, where he is, in the dreams of so many other trainees out there. It feels wrong to want both, but Mark feels the things he’s given up looming even more now, in the pity in Yeeun’s eyes when she tries to help with a scene and tells him to think about a time when his mind was overflowing with the thought of one person, and Mark has to tell her that it’s never happened before, not really. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Renjun looks away and changes the subject, saying, “And to what do we owe your illustrious presence, rising actor Mark-ssi?”

Mark laughs and then pretends to hit Renjun with the pillow he’s holding. Renjun flinches and then glares. “I was supposed to get dinner with Jeno.”

Renjun looks down the hall to where the bedrooms are and makes a face. “He’s in his room with Donghyuck.” Renjun shivers. “I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” he says. “I think he forgot you were coming.”

“I… don’t really want to know,” Mark says, shuddering at the thought of disrupting the two of them. 

It hadn’t actually been a surprise when they’d walked into practice one day, hands linked, Donghyuck’s shoulders tight with tension and Jeno nervous like he hadn’t been in front of them in forever. Mark, still the leader of NCT Dream at the time, which pangs at his heart whenever he thinks about it, had looked at their clasped hands and said, “Please just don’t make out in front of us.”

The tension in Donghyuck’s shoulders disappeared, and Jeno smiled for the first time since walking into the room, but Donghyuck had said, high and haughty, “Just for that I think we will,” and pecked Jeno square on the lips, smile smug but two pink spots of colour high on both of their cheeks. They’re insufferable now, and Mark would rather starve than have to go into that room and witness something that’ll make him want to bleach his eyes out.

Another example of things he’s never had. Mark sighs. Renjun looks over at him, and parrots his question right back at him, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Mark says. He scrubs a hand over his face, then drops it onto the pillow in his lap. “I don’t know,” he admits. “The movie isn’t going as well as I had hoped.”

Renjun hums. “What’s wrong?”

“They just… had a lot of expectations from me,” Mark shares, the exhaustion of the week catching up to him and making him more open, making him spill his worries more easily. “I don’t think I’m reaching them.”

Renjun throws a pillow at him. “What was that for?” Mark asks, indignant. 

Renjun rolls his eyes, but his smile is warm. “Of course, you’d worry about being bad despite it being your first time actually acting. You’ll get better, just like in everything else.”

“You don’t know that,” Mark says, the back of his neck growing warm.

“I do,” Renjun says. “You just practice and practice and eventually you’ll be everyone’s favourite, just like all the other times.”

“Well I can’t really practice this,” Mark says, picking the pillow off the floor and balancing it on top of the one in his lap.

“Why not?” Renjun asks.

Mark winces. “It’s the romance parts I’m struggling with.” He smiles, wryly. “You’re not the only one missing out.”

Renjun laughs and Mark looks at him in question. “Look at us,” Renjun says. “I’m here just wanting at least a tiny bit of experience and you just want someone to practice with. We’re pathetic.”

Mark laughs with him and then pauses. Renjun’s lips press together again in that tight smile that tells Mark it’s affecting him more than he’d like to admit. 

An idea pops into Mark’s head, sudden and terrible and Mark’s mouth moves faster than his brain can process anything and he says, “Well, there’s always me.” At Renjun’s bewildered look, Mark continues, brain still muddled at the tight line of Renjun’s mouth and the pressing need to wipe it off his face, “You could have me. You could use me to like, y’know, get some experience in a way but as friends.” He isn’t sure if he’s making any sense. “Like friends… with benefits.”

Renjun stares at him, with that glint in his eye Mark recognises from when they’re filming for variety shows or streaming on V LIVE and always ends in Renjun throwing Mark under the bus. It’s the look that means he’s going to _tease_ and Mark steadies himself for it. “Benefits?” Renjun repeats, the tight line of his mouth shifting to form a grin. “What kind of benefits are you thinking about, Mark-hyung?”

Renjun looks infinitely amused, like the cat that got the cream. Mark can’t help but think he’s never going to live this down, but he got his wish and Renjun’s smiling brightly now. It was just at the cost of his dignity. He throws the pillow at Renjun, and Renjun, who’d placed his hands back under his blanket mountain, tries to dodge it and fails. The pillow bounces right off his shoulder and onto the floor.

“Shut up,” Mark says, face flushed. “I didn’t mean _that_.” His face burns, and even though Renjun insinuated it, his cheeks are a bit pink too. “I just meant that y’know, you wanted someone to date… and I needed…” He fumbles here, not really sure what to say and Renjun stares at him, thinking. 

Eventually, Renjun takes pity on his floundering. “Someone to practice with?” Renjun offers, and Mark isn’t one to look at a gift horse in the mouth.

“Yeah,” Mark says, convincingly. “That.”

Renjun laughs and then shakes his head. “Trust you to find a way to practice for your movie.” He smiles, and Mark laughs nervously. He goes back to fiddling with the pillow in his lap, silence surrounding them. “Sure,” Renjun says after a moment, breaking not only the silence but also Mark’s brain.

“What?” Mark says.

“Sure,” Renjun repeats. There’s something in his eyes that Mark can’t place. “Let’s do it.”

“Do what?” Mark says.

“Friends,” Renjun says, “with benefits,” he mocks. 

Mark makes a face. “Let’s not call it that.”

Renjun shrugs. “Let’s not call it anything at all,” he says, easy. “But we should do it.”

Despite bringing it up, Mark didn’t expect Renjun to _agree_ , but he nods his head and is rewarded with Renjun’s smile. “Good, I want you to do well so I can go to the VIP Screening.”

“I see how it is,” Mark says, trying to hit Renjun with the pillow again. Renjun laughs and dodges it. “You’re just using me for my connections.”

“Stop whining and come here,” Renjun says, shuffling over to lean against the back of the couch. He pats the spot next to him and lifts up the piling mountain of blankets. Mark stops trying to hit him with the pillow and slides into the spot next to him, warm underneath the blankets and warmer still where his shoulder is pressed against Renjun’s.

Renjun leans over towards the laptop, turns on the subtitles for Mark, and then presses play.

*

The movies become a regular thing.

After schedules, whenever they can, they meet up at either of their dorms, sit together on the couch and watch people fall in love. Sometimes the other members join in: Taeyong and Johnny sit on the other couch when they watch a tragedy, where the main characters finally confess in the hospital room the night before one of them dies. Both of them pretend they have to go to the bathroom when the final scene ends, and Renjun and Mark laugh, pretending they didn’t see red-rimmed eyes, and like their own aren’t teary as well. 

Jaemin and Donghyuck sit on the floor by Mark’s feet as they watch a movie about star-crossed lovers, the two of them booing and asking why they couldn’t just _talk to each other_ and if they had, _no one would’ve had to die_. 

Jisung squishes in the armrest next to Mark’s shoulder when there’s no room elsewhere, fluffing Mark’s hair when he gets a bit awkward watching the people on screen make out for the umpteenth time. 

Mark always sits next to Renjun, shoulder’s pressed together, just like that first night.

When they can’t meet up, they settle on a time and watch movies together in different places. The screen of Mark’s laptop splits between Renjun’s face on the right and whichever movie star they’re watching on the left. Sometimes, Mark watches the right side more. 

Outside of the first night, they haven’t really spoken about their agreement, but sometimes Renjun’s hand creeps closer under the blanket, and Mark always settles his own right on top of it. Somehow throughout the night, they always end up with fingers intertwined, warm and steady no matter what happens on screen.

The filming continues, and Mark still deals with takes that are alright but not quite _good_ and Mark tries to tell himself that he’s still learning, that it’s always like this in the beginning, but he’s never felt this horrible at something before. Even Yeeun telling Mark he’s improving does nothing to help this feeling of inadequacy.

But the movies help, letting Mark see what he’s never felt before, and Renjun helps too. 

Mark isn’t quite sure how to bring it up anyway—their nights are usually with the others. It feels like how they were pre-agreement, except a bit more. 

In the end, they get their time alone when Johnny recommends a movie for them to watch and then cancels at the last minute. The rest of the members in the dorm have gone out somewhere: Donghyuck to meet Jeno, Jungwoo and Doyoung to film something, and Jaehyun, Taeyong and Yuta to try to leech a free dinner from Taeil. 

It’s the first time they’re alone since, but nothing really changes except they hold hands on top of the blankets and Renjun leans his head against Mark’s shoulder when he’s tired.

“You’re pretty boring as a boyfriend,” Renjun says, as the movie ends and the credits start to roll. Mark can feel the movement on his shoulder, as Renjun speaks.

“What?” Mark squawks, indignant. He looks down but all he can see is the soft tufts of Renjun’s hair. “What do you mean?”

“All we’ve been doing is watching movies,” Renjun sighs. He shakes his head, the movement jolting Mark’s shoulder. “I didn’t think the dating life would be this _boring_.”

“Why do I have to think of things?” Mark whines.

“You thought of it first,” Renjun says, like that’s the obvious reason.

“Do you want to go out on a date?” Mark asks.

Renjun nods against him, glancing up with a shit-eating grin on his face, and says, “Will you pay for everything, oppa?” 

Mark pushes him away, laughing. “Shut up,” he says, as Renjun laughs. “Only Jaemin can call me oppa.” At that, Renjun gets offended, and he only stops pouting when Mark says, half-jokingly, “I’ll buy you an ice-cream cone and that’s it.”

*

They do end up getting ice-creams and Mark does end up paying for it, much to Renjun’s amusement.

It takes a couple of weeks before their schedules match up, but when they do, they end up going on a classic date, if Mark says so himself. They go to Han River, baseball caps low over their heads, face masks a necessity.

Renjun had rolled his eyes when Mark picked him up at the dorm and told him where they were headed, but when they’re walking by the waterside, Renjun’s smile is nearly as bright as the sun. 

“Why are just the two of you going?” Chenle had asked when Mark was waiting for Renjun to get ready. 

“Can we come?” Jisung said, sitting with Chenle on the kitchen table, a phone in between the two of them, and a bowl of mixed ingredients in front of them.

“The two of you have training in the afternoon,” Renjun had said, as he walked to Mark. “And you’re baking. Leave us to our date.”

Mark had turned bright red and spluttered, even though Chenle and Jisung had thought nothing of it, Renjun’s smile mischievous even as he laughed and pushed Mark out the door.

The last movie they watched was the one Johnny recommended, and Renjun spends the afternoon looking at couples kissing and pointing out that _no one’s foot ever really pops, the movie must’ve made it up._ Mark laughs at him, and tells him to focus on their date, not the dates of other couples. 

They eat ramen sitting on the grass, and it must be the sun, the warmth and how carefree Mark feels for the first time in a long time, but he spends the second half of the afternoon sneaking glances at Renjun’s face, warmth blooming in his chest.

“How’s the movie?” Renjun asks when their food is finished. He’s resting on his back, elbows propping himself up, and legs crossed at the ankle. He leans back and his face soaks up the setting sun.

“It’s better,” Mark says, sitting cross-legged. He picks at the grass in front of him. “I don’t have that many scenes to film right now, because they’re still focusing on the lead couple, but it’s good. I like it.” There are less pointed looks between the production team, Mark knowing they were thinking about whether it was the right choice casting him. 

“That’s good,” Renjun says, opening his eyes. “I’m glad.”

Mark smiles at him. “So how is it? Going out on a date?”

Renjun laughs. “I don’t know, not the best but I wouldn’t say it’s the worst. I can’t compare it to anything but it would be better if my foot popped.”

Mark throws the grass he’d been plucking at Renjun, who rolls on top of him and pins him there. For a split-second Mark is tempted, his eyes shifting to the plush of Renjun’s lower lip, but while they’re in the more secluded area by the river, and they haven’t been recognised yet, Mark still knows his place. Renjun rolls off and the moment is lost. 

“Another ice-cream?” Renjun asks, after a moment of silence. 

“This is bad for our diets,” Mark says, but he gets up and pulls Renjun up with him. He takes out his wallet without thinking when they have to pay, and when Renjun says, “Good boy,” Mark tries very hard not to blush.

When they get back to the dorms, Renjun asks Mark to drop him off to the door like a normal date would, even though Mark’s going to go in anyway to get Donghyuck so they can go back together. The hallway is empty when they exit the elevator and, still beaming from a good day, Mark lets himself pull Renjun off to the side, in the hidden crook of the emergency stairs.

Renjun stares at him confused, until Mark looks down at Renjun’s lips, and then his expression changes to one that Mark hasn’t seen on Renjun before. Before he can talk himself out of it, Mark leans down and presses their mouths together. 

“Did your foot pop?” Mark asks, when they pull apart, face still close to Renjun’s.

“No,” Renjun says, his eyes dipping down to Mark’s mouth again. “You’ll have to do it again.”

*

The good thing is, Mark’s been steadily improving his acting skills ever since his agreement with Renjun started. The bad thing is, his improvement has made Yeeun suspicious.

“Okay,” Yeeun says, in the break between filming. “You’re going to have to tell me what’s happened.”

“What do you mean?” Mark asks, eyes wide, the bottle of water he was about to drink stuck halfway in the air, right before his mouth.

Yeeun rolls her eyes. “You can’t fool me,” she says, “and you’re not that good of an actor yet to pull off clueless that well.” She pauses and then smiles, eyes bright, “So, who’s the lucky person making you better at all these romance scenes.”

She says it, of course, right as Mark finished lifting the bottle of water to his mouth, and takes a giant gulp. He nearly chokes on it, and Yeeun pats his back lightly, looking completely unapologetic. She looks very innocent, but Mark knows her better now. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Mark starts, but she gives him a look that means it’s a lost cause. “It’s—it’s new,” Mark says. _It isn’t even real_ , Mark doesn’t say. 

She smiles. “Do you like them?”

He thinks of Renjun smiling as Mark handed over his ice-cream, Renjun posing on the deck by Han River for Mark to take a photo of him, and Renjun, lips red and swollen after kissing in the hidden corner near the dorm. “I do,” Mark says, pushing his thoughts away. Mark likes Renjun even if it isn’t real—like is still like, even if it’s platonic. 

“I’m happy for you,” she says, and then doesn’t say anymore as the director turns his attention back to them and filming continues.

*

Yeeun isn’t the only one who apparently notices a change. Taeyong stops him on his way into the dorm and tells him that he’s happy Mark is taking more breaks, and he’s glad he started the movie nights with Renjun.

The movies still continue, though more spread out. 

They get badgered into watching a movie by Jungwoo, who drags Jaehyun onto the couch with him and watches with a strange intensity. “We did it better,” Jungwoo says, when on screen, the male lead holds the female lead’s arms out at the point of the ship. Jaehyun just hums his agreement, arms tightening around Jungwoo’s shoulders. 

The news of their movie nights travels quickly and across oceans, and it isn’t long before the members of WayV start sending sad stickers to Mark on KakaoTalk about how they feel left out. 

_we’ll watch movies when you’re back_ , Mark messages, but Ten replies less than a minute later with, _you started it without us!! it’s not the same!!!!_

Eventually, they get over it and start their own movie night in the breaks between their promotions in China. They stick solely to Chinese movies to help improve Ten’s language skills, which means that Mark gets lists of Chinese movies that he should add to the watch list. 

Mark and Renjun spend more time doing other things, and they manage to fit in a few more dates. Renjun doesn’t stop throwing in references to movies they’ve watched until they’re doing something ridiculous like bursting into song and dance when they’re in an empty park because, _What is a true romance movie if there isn’t a musical number, Mark-hyung?_

In between those, they get more affectionate. Renjun leans his head on Mark’s shoulder every time now, his hand still linked with Mark’s under the blankets. There are touches on shoulders, Mark’s fingers running in Renjun’s hair, Mark’s hand reaching over to touch the small of Renjun’s back when they’re walking somewhere. Like the opposite ends of a magnet, Mark finds himself unintentionally reaching out to touch a part of Renjun every moment he can.

And then there are the kisses. That’s something that Mark is still getting used to.

They’re in Renjun’s room, where they usually end up because Renjun doesn’t have a roommate to bother them. They’d learned the hard way that Renjun’s room was better when Mark had Renjun pressed into the bed and Doyoung had walked in. Luckily he was staring down at his phone, and Mark rolled over until he was a comfortable distance away and sat up.

Now, they’re sitting side to side on Renjun’s bed, looking at an article Renjun found of someone bursting with anticipation for Mark’s acting skills. The proximity is nearly overwhelming, and when Mark looks over, Renjun is so close, and he leans in—

And the door opens. 

It turns out that it doesn’t really matter whether they have roommates, not when there’s a dorm full of boys who have no sense of privacy. Jaemin walks into the room and knocks on the door _after_ , right when Mark and Renjun are a hair’s breadth away from each other. 

In a fit of panic, Renjun pulls Mark into a chokehold.

“Um,” Jaemin says, eyebrow raised at the scene. “Am I interrupting something? What did Mark-hyung do now?”

 _I never do anything_ , Mark wants to say, indignant, but his airflow is currently restricted by the crook of Renjun’s arm. 

“Nothing he’ll tell you about,” Renjun says, finally letting go. “I’m going to get a glass of water.” He gets up, turning back to give Mark a quick sheepish glance before leaving.

Jaemin takes his place next to Mark. “So, how’s filming going? Is it going well?” He looks at Mark with a bit of worry, shoulders slightly tense. “I heard it didn’t start out great. I wasn’t joking when I said you can talk to me, y’know?”

Mark smiles at him, and the tension in Jaemin’s shoulders loosen. “I know, Jaemin, thanks.” He glances out the door to where Renjun just left. “It wasn’t great before, but it’s getting better now.”

*

Despite hiding away from Doyoung and Jaemin and whichever member nearly catches them, Mark and Renjun had never really spoken about whether they should tell anyone, just keeping their relationship a secret on their own. They’ve been careful but slipping: hands finding each other without even thinking, and a near miss of a kiss too many times to count.

Mark didn’t really know what the difference would be like anyway, not until Renjun’s at the dorm and arguing over something that Donghyuck had said. It’s something stupid, so Mark keeps reading over his lines for the shoot next week, flicking between that and the lyrics he’s writing for their next album. 

He doesn’t realise they’re staring at him until the silence hangs in the air a moment too long, and Mark looks over to two faces looking at him like his opinion matters, which only happens in three situations: in the practice room, in the recording room or when they want to settle an argument. 

“What?” Mark says, wanting to hide under the intensity of their stares.

“Who’s right?” Donghyuck asks. “Me or Renjun.”

Mark hadn’t even been listening. He never usually listens when they fight. He just agrees to whoever would annoy him less after, which means he’s always chosen Donghyuck’s side, but this time when Mark looks over at them and sees Renjun staring, he says, “Renjun’s right.”

Mark’s rewarded with Renjun’s smile, bright and beaming, and Donghyuck spluttering as Renjun lords the win over him.

Renjun kisses him in the kitchen when Donghyuck walks back to his room still fuming, and after that, it’s like the dam has broken. What was once careful is now decidedly not, and they start kissing in the corridors of the dorm, staircases known for this type of activity, empty practice rooms at the SM building. 

They shouldn’t be surprised when they get caught, but they are, stopping in the middle of reaching for each other on Mark’s bed when the door to his room clicks open. Donghyuck pops his head in, takes in the scene, Mark and Renjun still frozen, and grins. 

“I knew it,” Donghyuck says, not at all surprised at seeing them. “Why else would you choose Renjun’s side over mine?”

Mark splutters and then holds Renjun back from chasing Donghyuck, who then sticks his tongue out and says, “Have fun kids. Remember to use protection!” before running out of the room. Mark kisses Renjun, quick on the cheek, and that’s enough to distract him from doing something drastic like chasing Donghyuck and putting him in a chokehold and having Donghyuck retaliate in what would start an argument that no one would hear the end of for weeks. 

When Renjun leaves for his dorm, Donghyuck walks back into Mark’s room, this time more serious, all traces of levity gone.

“Are we going to talk about it?” Donghyuck asks, sitting on the edge of Doyoung’s bed.

Mark’s lying down, the bed still warm from where Renjun was lying there under him. He closes his eyes. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

Donghyuck laughs, short and sharp. “Liar.” His voice grows more serious, and he asks, “Is it a good idea, hyung,” he pauses, wary before he continues, “after what happened?”

“It’s fine, Donghyuck,” Mark says. He doesn’t let himself think about it. Not now, at least, when everything’s going well. He peeks an eye open and smiles warmly at Donghyuck. “It was a long time ago. It’s all in the past.”

Donghyuck hums. “If you’re sure,” he says, not believing one bit, but thankfully he drops it. “So tell me how it started?”

*

Two days after that, Renjun visits Mark on set for the first time.

After a particularly good day of filming, Mark’s in one of the empty makeup rooms, about to change and get ready to leave, when he hears the door open. The first thing he sees when he turns around is Renjun standing there, the door shut behind him. Somehow, just the sight of him makes Mark’s day even better. 

Mark smiles, and is about to ask Renjun what he’s doing here. He’s not sure what this visit will be until Renjun clicks the lock behind him.

“I’m sorry to barge into your room, Mark-ssi,” Renjun says, his hands behind his back. He bats his eyelashes at Mark and Mark stifles a laugh. “But I’m a really big fan.”

“What are you doing?” Mark asks, grin wide on his face.

“I really wanted to meet you,” Renjun continues, stepping forward. “I’d do anything for your autograph.”

It’s funny until it isn’t. Renjun steps closer until they’re in each other’s spaces and Mark’s eyes can’t help but flicker to the plush of his bottom lip.

It doesn’t really matter who leans in first. All that matters is Renjun’s lips against his, his hands reaching up to pull at Mark’s hair. He’s glad that the shoot is over, his hair stylist would have scolded him for the mess Renjun makes of it, running his fingers through the strands and lightly _pulling_. 

Mark groans. His arms snake around Renjun’s waist pulling him in closer until they press against each other. They stumble back and when Mark breaks off when the table hits his back, Renjun’s grinning at him.

Mark can’t help it. He kisses him again. “What was this about?”

“Donghyuck told me to do it.” Renjun pauses, before grinning wider, looking again like the cat who got the cream. Mark knew Donghyuck knowing was bad for a reason, but he didn’t know the reason would be _this_. “He got the idea from that movie we watched last night. I didn’t think it would actually work.”

 _It worked because it was you._ Mark bites down the words, tastes the betrayal of himself in the pain in his tongue. Instead, he says, a fond look on his face that he can’t help, “I’m pretty sure the movie we watched didn’t have a scene like this. It was a lot... tamer.”

Renjun shrugs. “This is more interesting,” he says, and then Mark forgets about any excuses when a moment later he tastes Renjun on his lips when they both lean in again.

Afterwards, when they’ve adequately straightened up to _not_ look like they’d been making out in the makeup room for half an hour, Mark introduces Renjun to the crew. They take to him like a fish to water, and it makes something in Mark’s chest burst with joy, especially when Renjun meets Yeeun, and they act like old friends. It doesn’t matter that they immediately conspire against Mark, and Mark thinks he just introduced two people together who could ruin his life completely, his chest grows warmer with each passing second.

*

The news article isn’t a surprise.

The fact Mark’s initial thought when he sees the article in his post-panic state is to call up Renjun and tell him it isn’t true is. 

Mark was half asleep in his chair a few moments ago, eyes drooping shut as the stylist tousled his hair, the chemical smell of hairspray filling his nose, but that easy, relaxed state disappeared the moment his manager cleared the room, tapped him on the shoulder and said, _Don’t worry about the article. We’ll fix it in no time._

Wide-eyed and panicked, because in this industry no one really says _don’t worry_ for things Mark wouldn’t worry about, he opened his phone and searched his name to see the article climbing its ranks on Naver. 

_NCT’s Mark Lee and Rookie Actress Shin Yeeun spotted on a date!_

The pictures in itself aren’t incriminating. It’s just Mark and Yeeun walking together that time they got ice-cream after a shoot. They don’t show the whole story, but it’s an article on a gossip news site, when do they ever? There’s a hand to the side of the first photo, just barely cropped out, that is his manager’s. In the second picture, the back of the head a metre away is Yeeun’s. The rumours will be cleared up before the afternoon breaks. It must be a slow news day.

The panic in Mark’s chest finally recedes. Which leaves him thinking, unnecessarily, about Renjun.

It’s five in the morning. Renjun doesn’t even have to be up early. Last night, his voice was teasing as he gloated about being able to sleep in, but he ended the call early anyway when Mark didn’t want to. Renjun probably hasn’t seen it, but Mark sends, _if you see an article about me, it’s fake_.

He doesn’t expect his phone to light up less than a minute later. 

_i saw it_

The message bubble that indicates Renjun is typing pops up. Mark waits. It disappears and then appears again. Mark caves in and calls him.

“It’s fake,” Mark says, the moment Renjun picks up.

There’s silence on the other end, and then, “So you didn’t get ice-cream with Yeeun-noona?”

Mark winces. “Well I did, but our managers were there—” Renjun starts laughing, and Mark smiles automatically at the sound. “What?”

“I know,” Renjun says. “Manager-hyung has a tattoo on his finger. I could recognise it anywhere.” 

“Oh,” Mark says, feeling stupid.

Renjun can probably tell because he quietens down. “Thank you for telling me though.” His voice still sounds amused. “I would’ve found out anyway, but it’s nice hearing it from you.”

“I just—” Mark stops. It sounds stupid now that Mark thinks about it. “I just wanted you to know, that with, uh, this thing. It’s only you.” Mark winces. That sounded too romantic. 

“Oh.” With every second that ticks in Renjun’s silence, Mark’s regret doubles. “Same,” Renjun says, quietly. “It’s only you, too.”

They end the call nearly half an hour later, after all the staff start to trickle back into the room, and Mark is almost ready for the shoot. 

Afterwards, when Mark looks up into the mirror, he’s a fool with how big his smile is.

*

There’s a point in filming, where it aligns with so much of his schedule that Mark doesn’t feel like he has a break at all. He’s starting an MC position again soon, and there’s a comeback to prepare for and what seems to be a tour in the works, despite their first one just ending a few months ago. It’s overwhelming, to say the least, and the bags under Mark’s eyes are growing, judging by the way the makeup coordinator’s cluck at him and add on an extra layer of concealer on top of them.

He hasn’t seen Renjun in what feels like months either—the promotion period for NCT Dream’s comeback ending with a flurry of final activities before the sudden lull. It makes him more tetchy than he expected, but they soften each other’s absence by messaging each other mundane things at every given opportunity.

On the day filming takes Mark away from Seoul, further to the coast side, it’s one of those unfortunate days when Renjun’s too busy to reply to Mark’s messages. Filming is only supposed to take a day, but it runs longer than expected, and they end up getting a hotel. Someone, blessedly, manages to get Mark his own room, and he promises to find them and send them a nice gift in return.

He falls onto the bed as soon he enters, not even bothering to take off his dirty clothes. There’s a knock on the door not even ten minutes later, and Mark groans and gets up, wondering if it’s his manager notifying Mark of a change to tomorrow’s schedule.

Instead, he opens the door to Renjun, standing there with a backpack slung over his shoulder, and a smile like it isn’t out the ordinary for him to be there.

It must be the exhaustion running through him, or the fact that in Renjun’s hand is a bag of energy drinks and snacks Mark adores, that has Mark pulling Renjun in, slamming the door behind him and kissing him right up against it.

Renjun laughs into the kiss, before leaning back to look at him. Mark drops his head to Renjun’s shoulder, pushing his face into the crook there. Renjun, still laughing, runs his free hand through Mark’s hair. “That was a warm welcome I wasn’t expecting.”

“What are you doing here?” Mark asks, his mouth moving against the soft skin of Renjun’s neck. Renjun shivers against him.

“I was going to visit you at the dorm,” Renjun says, hand still carding through Mark’s hair. Mark sighs and leans in more. “But then your manager said you were here, and I don’t have any schedules tomorrow, so I decided to visit you.” He stops running his fingers through Mark’s hair and Mark whines. Renjun laughs. “You’re like a giant dog,” he says, and then, “Come here, you big baby,” as he pulls Mark to the bed. 

Mark drops back onto the bed, tries to pull Renjun down with him but Renjun’s eyes are focused on something else. “Is that—” Renjun says, dropping his bag by the foot of Mark’s bed and glancing into the open bathroom door. “Is that a hot tub?”

Mark looks over and there is, in fact, a hot tub. He’d been so tired he didn’t even realise. He looks back at Renjun, who’s now looking at him with a look that Mark recognises. “Can we go in later?” Mark whines. “I’m tired.”

“No,” Renjun says, pulling Mark up. “It’ll be good. It’ll be _relaxing_. And you can practice for the part in your movie where you strip off and make out with everyone.”

“That doesn’t happen,” Mark says, startled into a laugh.

“You mean your movie isn’t rated 19+?” Renjun asks, eyes wide with counterfeit shock. “But I was so looking forward to it. I told _everyone_ about it.” 

Renjun finally starts laughing. Mark pauses and eyes him in suspicion. “You just want to go in because of that movie we watched.”

Renjun shrugs, completely unapologetic. “Are you asking whether I want to follow in their footsteps and make out in a hot tub? Of course, I do. Come on, let’s go.”

“You know they get filmed making out in that hot tub, right?” Mark says, in an attempt to get Renjun to join him on the bed. “The recording gets circulated and it starts a scandal.” Renjun ignores him and walks into the bathroom. 

Mark follows, because how could he not, and stops at the sight in front of him. 

Mark lives with eight other boys. He’s seen enough people shirtless that he wants to forget it, but there’s a difference between blasé appreciation that a friend is attractive and looking at Renjun strip off his shirt, looking at the lean tone of his body, low warmth pooling in his gut. A part of him knows that if he reaches out to touch, to slide his fingers down the sides of his body, down the spine of his back, Renjun would just look at him with curious eyes, shiver, and if Mark leans down even further, Renjun would let Mark kiss him. 

It’s a powerful feeling, and Mark doesn’t even realise he’s staring until Renjun looks back at him, and shakes his head in exasperation. Mark snaps out of it and grins, before stripping off his shirt too, now eager to get into the hot tub. 

After the giant struggle of setting up the hot tub, and getting in, Renjun climbs into Mark’s lap, the water moving against them as he does. He wraps his arms around Mark’s neck, and finally kisses him.

“Aren’t we being a bit reckless?” Mark asks, breathless. Their manager has the pin to the room, and Mark is aware that just walls away lie his crew, but then Renjun pulls away to press kisses into his neck, nibbling at a spot that makes Mark close his eyes and moan. 

Renjun grins down at him, his hair a mess from where Mark’s hands had subconsciously tangled into it, clumped together from the wet, lips red, eyes blown. “Isn’t that what love is about?” Renjun says, and Mark loses sight of everything but him.

*

The morning after, Mark wakes up to Renjun curled to his chest, a loose fist holding onto his shirt.

Mark’s arm is slung over Renjun’s waist, and when he tries to pull away to turn off the alarm that had woken him up, Renjun grumbles and moves with him.

“Renjun,” Mark says when Renjun won’t let go. “I have to get up and get ready or else Manager-hyung will come in.”

“Can’t you just stay here?” Renjun asks, eyes still closed, but the grip of his hands loosen.

Mark sits up and laughs. The sun streams through the window, filling the room with a softened glow. It’s been a while since Mark has felt so at ease, chest feeling warm at the sight of Renjun next to him, still half asleep. 

“I can’t,” Mark says, sadly. “It’s the last day of filming here.” He runs his hand through Renjun’s hair, and Renjun leans up into the touch. “What are you doing after?”

“I don’t know,” Renjun says, sleepy and loose-lipped. “I didn’t think that far. Just wanted to see you.”

Mark’s chest tightens. “Wait for me,” he says. Renjun blinks awake and stares at him in question. “I’ll be done by mid-morning. I was supposed to go straight back to Seoul but I don’t have anything important today. We can go out afterwards.”

“Out?” Renjun asks, sleep rumpled and confused.

“Like a date,” Mark says, smiling. “You always said you wanted to go somewhere away from Seoul on your day off.”

“Wow,” Renjun says, closing his eyes again. He rolls onto his back, and the sun filtering in casts a pattern of lights across his face. Renjun smiles, and Mark drinks in the scene. “You’re the best boyfriend ever.”

Mark knows that Renjun is still half asleep, loose-lipped and not thinking, but the comment thunders through Mark’s body until he feels it from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes. He gets up before the feeling overwhelms him.

“Go back to sleep,” Mark says. He can’t resist leaning over and kissing the top of Renjun’s head. “I’ll come and get you when I’m done.”

From the moment Mark leaves the hotel room to the time Mark’s scene is finally cleared, it feels like a countdown. He frees the rest of the day with his manager, and Mark knows he’ll have to squeeze in time to make up for the preparation lost, but it’s worth it when he gets back to the hotel room and sees Renjun sitting there, back to the bed frame, reading something on his phone.

“No,” Renjun says when he sees Mark staring at him. “Don’t come any closer, or we’ll end up staying here the whole day. Let’s go out.”

They eat lunch at a tiny restaurant owned by a lovely old lady who doesn’t even look twice at them entering. The place is practically empty, but the food is delicious, and it lets them be more comfortable than they usually would be in a public place. 

Hours pass quickly, walking around the streets, especially when Renjun points out things he’s never seen before and snaps pictures of them, sending it to Jaemin and Jeno who have an extra schedule today. 

“You’re really trying to make them jealous,” Mark says, when he reads their KakaoTalk group chat of Renjun gloating. 

“Of course,” Renjun says, “that’s why we’re going to the beach.”

They only get to walk along the water, sand between their toes, and shoes in their hands for a little while before they have to go back. Renjun runs in the sand right by the water, and when Mark pretends to push him, Renjun grips Mark’s jacket and the two of them nearly do fall in. 

Their manager arranges their travel back, and they sit in a van, city lights passing them the closer they get to home. Renjun spends the entire time head on Mark’s shoulder, asleep, and Mark wishes for a moment, looking down at the soft tufts of Renjun’s hair, that time could stop, and he could stay in this memory forever.

*

Two weeks to the end of filming, Mark realises they’ve never actually spoken about when their _thing_ would stop. It’s been months and Mark still doesn’t want to call it a relationship, but he doesn’t know a better fitting word. It’s easier just not to label it.

Donghyuck takes Mark out for lunch the day after this realisation like he _knows_. The moment they sit down after ordering, while they wait patiently for their food, Donghyuck asks, “So what’s happening with you and Renjun?”

“Um,” Mark says. He picks out two sets of chopsticks and places them neatly on the table. “What do you mean?”

“Hyung,” Donghyuck says, “it’s been months. It doesn’t matter that both you and Renjun say it’s nothing. It can’t be, not after what happened.”

Months later, Mark finally lets him think about what happened. Back when they were trainees, in the week before it was announced that Mark would debut as part of NCT 127, Mark and Renjun nearly had something. It’s the closest thing Mark has ever had to a relationship, the first time Mark ever considered _wanting_ one, but then Mark was announced to debut and the fragile balance of their relationship was ruined. 

When Renjun was announced as part of NCT Dream months later, the two of them acted like nothing that ever happened. Mark never asked, Renjun never mentioned it, and it was all in the past. It didn’t matter that sometimes Mark thought about it, catching himself staring at Renjun and wondering about the _what ifs_. 

NCT Dream debuted, Mark and Renjun grew closer as friends and Mark decided that what was in the past would stay there.

And then, this relationship happened and blew Mark’s decision to pieces.

Donghyuck’s still staring, waiting for Mark’s answer, even as their food is served. “I don’t know,” Mark finally says. He picks up his chopsticks and pokes at his rice. 

“You need to talk to him,” Donghyuck says.

“I will,” Mark says, and in an attempt to change topics, he gestures to the food. “Let’s eat.”

On the way back to the dorms after lunch, Mark messages Renjun to meet him and does have every intention to bring it up. He drags Renjun to his room, closes the door behind him, pausing there to collect himself. He turns around with words on the tip of his tongue, and then he stops, short. 

It feels like forever since their relationship started, longer still since Renjun’s been comfortable in Mark’s room, but still, it’s a wonder how Renjun can do this—invade Mark’s room, take reign over his bed, but look like he so easily fits there. His hair fans out on the pillow behind him. Mark moves to take a seat on the edge of the bed, but Renjun make space for him. His bare toes end up tucked underneath Mark’s thigh, and he wriggles them in an attempt to get Mark to move. 

Mark circles a hand around Renjun’s ankle to stop him, his thumb stroking the smooth skin next to his ankle bone. His eyes trail up the long expanse of Renjun’s leg, and indulging himself, Mark presses a kiss, soft, quick and barely there, to Renjun’s bare knee. When he looks up, lips still a paper thin breadth away from Renjun’s skin, Renjun is staring at him with a blank face, intense and inscrutable, and Mark nearly misses it when he moves, tiny and minute, so that Mark’s lips press closer to the inside of his knee. Mark’s still staring into Renjun’s eyes. 

He’s not sure what takes over him but instead of moving away, Mark closes his eyes and presses a kiss to the soft skin there, brain nearly shutting down when he hears Renjun gasp. Brave, he leans in further, slides his hand over Renjun’s knee to give himself more space, as he presses a kiss further up Renjun’s inner thigh. 

There’s a hand in his hair in the next second, and when he looks up Renjun is staring at him, breathing heavily, and then—

“Mark?” Doyoung calls, knocking on the door and then coming in. “I forgot my wallet.”

Mark jumps and then moves away, leaning back against the wall, breathing heavier than he realised. Renjun sits up and leans against the headboard, not looking at Mark. 

“Oh, Renjun,” Doyoung says, smiling. “I didn’t realise you were here too.”

“Hi, hyung,” Renjun says, voice a bit scratchy. Doyoung stares at him for a moment and then glances at Mark before turning away and grabbing his wallet from his desk. 

“See you guys later,” Doyoung says, eyes unreadable, and then he walks out the door.

When the door shuts again, the atmosphere of the previous moment is gone.

“Was there something that you wanted to talk about?” Renjun asks, after a brief interlude of silence.

Mark opens his mouth, his conversation with Donghyuck at the forefront of his mind, but his thoughts are too hazy to focus on it, not with Renjun still in his bed. “No,” Mark says, instead. “Let’s just watch a movie.”

*

Late at night, long after Renjun is gone, Mark can still feel the smoothness of Renjun’s skin on his lips. It’s only when everyone’s sleeping and his dreams are closest to reality that Mark lets himself think about what could have been, and how the warmth in his chest every time he thinks of Renjun now is ten times as strong as it was then.

*

In a rare stroke of luck, the preparation for the comeback starts picking up when Mark’s schedule is no longer filled with filming. The only part left of the movie before it’s released is the post-production activities, and besides the possibility of Mark being called back to reshoot scenes, it’s basically the end of his first role as an actor until movie promotions start.

Mark feels the quiet emptiness that overcomes him every time a project he loves is nearing its end, and to compensate, Mark throws himself into the comeback preparations. 

It’s nearing midnight when the door to the practice room opens and the last few stragglers leave. Mark expects himself to be the only person left, everyone else already tired from hours and hours of running through the new choreography, but when he turns around, Renjun is still there. He takes a gulp from his bottle of water and then places it on the ground. 

“Want to run through it again?” Renjun asks. Mark nods and restarts the music.

It’s the first comeback with all of NCT after the addition of the new members. It’s hard work, much harder than normal trying to get a group as large as a school class in sync, but a part of Mark feels grateful because he gets to see everyone he usually doesn’t get to see. 

Including Renjun. Mark’s glad he gets to see Renjun regularly, within their schedules instead of just trying to work around them. Even though, ever since that night in Mark’s room, they haven’t spent much time alone. Mark hasn’t been avoiding Renjun, not intentionally anyway, but outside of their schedules, sometimes it feels like he is. 

They run through the choreography three more times, not really talking much in between. 

During the break, Mark picks up their bottles of water and means to hand it to Renjun, but when he looks back at him, Renjun is sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall on the far end of the practice room, eyes closed.

Before he can help himself, Mark walks over and takes a seat next to him. He places the bottles of water on the floor beside him, leans over Renjun and then kisses him. When he pulls away, Renjun’s eyes stay closed for a moment longer, before he opens them, smiling.

“You finally kissed me,” Renjun says. It nearly surprises Mark, but it doesn’t. Renjun has always been braver. It makes sense that he brings up the topic that Mark had spent so long trying to avoid. “It was in this room,” Renjun continues, “that time when we were trainees. It sort of feels like closure, now.”

It was autumn at the time, the turning point of their relationship, and they didn’t know it yet but it was a week before Mark was announced to debut. They were still young and hopeful, and greedy for any chance of a shot at their dreams. 

Mark was practising late, and Donghyuck was sick at the dorms so Renjun took his place and stayed back to make sure Mark went home at a decent time. Everyone was gone. The practice room was empty. Renjun had stopped practising an hour after everyone else left. When Mark looked back during the pause before the song repeated, he saw Renjun sitting on the ground, eyes closed, looking like he was sleeping. 

Mark had edged closer until Renjun’s face was right in front of his. For the longest time, afterwards, Mark swore he saw Renjun’s eyes peek open and flicker to his lips, but his hands were shaking from the nerves, and his mind was fuzzy, so he never knew if it was true. He’d leaned in and then the door opened and Taeyong, who was looking for them, accompanied them home, and then they never spoke about it again.

Well, until now. 

“I thought I was about to die with how fast my heart was beating,” Renjun says, a fond smile on his face at the memory. 

“Did you know?” Mark asks. “What I was planning to do?”

Renjun nods. “I could feel you in front of me and I tried to look quickly but…” He smiles wryly. “I liked you so much back then. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“You liked me?” Mark asks.

“Of course I did,” Renjun says like it’s obvious. “How could I not?”

“Afterwards,” Mark says, cautious. “You never said. You never mentioned.”

“You didn’t either,” Renjun points out. “And you were announced to debut like a week after. You were everyone’s favourite. The king of the trainees. I thought you found something better.”

“I didn’t,” Mark says, “I’d never.” He pauses. “You liked me?” Mark repeats.

Renjun laughs. “I did like you. Stop looking so surprised. Imagine my surprise when I ended up liking the guy who said I looked old the first time I met him.”

Mark grimaces, but he smiles when he sees Renjun still amused. “I didn’t mean to say that. It came out wrong.” 

“I know it did,” Renjun says, still smiling. “But yes, I did like you.” He pauses for a moment, like he’s gearing himself up to say something. “I like you now.”

Mark can feel his heart pound in his throat. Renjun stares at him, sad and vulnerable, mouth pressed into a tight line once again. The feeling of wanting to get rid of it never went away. “Renjun,” Mark says, young and reckless and finally, _finally_ , feeling what everyone describes in movies, “I don’t think I ever stopped liking you.”

It doesn’t matter who leans in first. It only matters that they meet in the middle, and kiss once more in the room that they should’ve kissed in six years before. 

“What do we do now?” Mark asks when they part. He stares at Renjun’s lips, wanting to lean in again.

“We keep dating,” Renjun says. He bites his lips and Mark’s eyes follow the movement. “But this time, we don’t pretend it’s not real.”

Mark gives in and kisses Renjun again. “Let’s do it,” he says. “Whatever you want.”

*

It hits Mark, actually hits him, on the first stage of their latest comeback. Months after the night in the practice room, and Mark didn’t realise the change in their relationship, not really, when they were basically doing the same things before they confessed. But then Renjun looks back at him during the performance, framed by the green lights of the NCT light stick, smile wide and open, and Mark’s breath catches, stuck.

Later, in Renjun’s room after catching a ride back with him to his dorm, after Mark had gotten ready for bed, he walks inside to find Renjun lying down bathed in the moonlight of midnight Seoul. 

Mark shuts the door behind him. The sound of it makes Renjun open his eyes. His hair is fanned against the pillow, his eyes focused on Mark, and they stare at each other for a second, before Renjun gestures him over.

Mark follows, unbidden, letting himself be pulled in when Renjun tangles his fingers in the bottom of Mark’s shirt.

“Why are you staring at me?” Renjun asks. His cheeks are blotched red. Mark wants to kiss them. He can now, without wondering what the feeling behind it means, wondering whether it’s alright, and he does, revelling in the sound of Renjun’s laughter as he does. 

“I can’t believe this is real,” Mark says, in answer to Renjun’s question. 

Renjun hums, pulling Mark onto the bed on top of him. Mark shoulders his weight on his elbows, Renjun’s face just a hair’s breadth away from his.

“It’s always been real for me,” Renjun says, honest and open. “I wanted it to be real from the start.”

Mark thinks about the movies, the dates, the feeling in his chest that Mark finally lets himself accept. “Me too,” he says and closes the distance.

*

Despite years in the business, Mark still doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to the lights flashing in his eyes, or whether they’ll ever not be uncomfortable. It helps that Yeeun gives him a look of commiseration from where she is, two people down the line, and Mark knows that she’s been dealing with more cameras than him.

The wait for the release of the movie went quicker than Mark could have ever imagined, and he’s both excited and dreading watching it for the first time ever at the VIP Screening. 

When the interviews are done, and Mark and the rest of the cast have finished their golden words about the movie, smiles bright and beaming, they enter the theatre with the other number of celebrities and families and friends of the cast. 

Mark invited his parents and brother who sit a few rows behind him, and extended the invite to all the members of NCT.

Not everyone’s schedules could match up with the screening, but there’s still a decent line of NCT members sitting in the row behind Mark’s family. Mark saved the spot next to him for Renjun, but Renjun was called in for a solo schedule. Renjun was distraught at the thought of missing it, but Mark knew the opportunity was hard to come by and was proud that Renjun was garnering the attention he so rightly deserved, and told him not to worry about it.

It doesn’t stop Mark from feeling upset. 

“Stop pouting,” Donghyuck says, in the seat next to Mark. He’d pilfered the reservation as soon as he knew Renjun wasn’t available. “You’ll watch the movie with Renjun anyway. He’ll make sure of it.”

“I know.” Mark sighs. “It’s just… not the same,” he finishes, lamely.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “I don’t know how Renjun deals with you. I’m going to the toilet before this starts.”

Ten minutes pass and Donghyuck still hasn’t returned. Mark is tempted to ask someone to go looking for him when he feels someone slip into his seat. 

“Why did you take so long?” Mark asks. His eyes catch that of one of the director’s, the same director who had spoken to Mark at the script reading session all those months ago, and Mark smiles and bows at him. “The movie’s about to start.”

“Sorry,” a voice that is definitely not Donghyuck’s says. “I had to try to wrap up a meeting in less than half the expected time.”

“Renjun?” Mark asks, whipping around to stare at him.

It is Renjun, sitting next to him, face flushed from exertion and a bouquet of flowers in his hands. “The one and only.” He hands the flowers over to Mark. They’re beautiful and vibrant. “I also took a while because I wanted to buy you flowers.” Renjun’s eyes crinkle with how big he’s smiling. “Congratulations, Mark-hyung.”

Despite the place and time, Mark can’t help but lean over for a quick hug. “You didn’t have to,” Mark says when they pull away after what feels like merely a second. “I knew you were busy.”

“I know,” Renjun says, “but I promised you I’d be at your VIP screening.”

“Still trying to use my connections, I see,” Mark says, shaking his head.

“No, actually,” Renjun says, straight-faced, “I just wanted to be the first to see your 19+ half-naked scene.”

Mark laughs, wide and open, and Renjun joins in. “It’s still not that kind of movie, Renjun.”

“We’ll see.” The lights start to dim, and the main director steps on stage to introduce the movie. “Now hush, the movie’s starting. Don’t you want to see what true love is like?”

In a theatre with Mark’s friends and family, the result of months of Mark’s hard work about to show on screen, and his boyfriend sitting next to him, Mark can’t stop the warmth from overflowing in his chest. He can’t think of a love more truer than this. 

“No,” Mark says, grabbing Renjun’s hand in the dark and intertwining their fingers. “I already have something better.”

**Author's Note:**

> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/thursday) / [twitter](https://twitter.com/falserecall)


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